My Answer

It is a hard question to answer because you can't really know what your first gut reaction will be... what your first thought will be.... unless you are put into the situation of being told.... and believe that it is true..... that you only have a certain amount of time left to live.

Now let me tell you why I asked the question. My son showed me a web site that answers questions... any question.... he typed in the questions and it gave the answers... of course I was very suspicious... but I couldn't figure out how it was answering every single question with perfect accuracy. But the more questions we asked the more amazed I was at the accuracy of the answers... some were even really funny. Then my son said "do you want to know when and how you are going to die?".... I said NO... but he typed in the question anyway.... and it said "in 3 years from cancer". Now after answering every single question accurately to this point of course I had some smidgeon of belief that this might actually be true.... wouldn't you if every other answer had been spot on??? Of course I'm still trying to figure out how it was answering my questions accurately! Anyway when it said that.... my heart completely dropped.. as did my mouth... I was frozen in fear and shock.... my first thought was of Steffie.... she would not have a Mother to teach her things a Mother teaches a daughter.... all of the things that I want to teach her as she grows up.... then sadness for myself that I would never know what she would grow up to be... all the times in her life that I would miss.... nothing else truely mattered to me at that moment... nothing except the time and the moments that I would not have with my baby girl and how I could possibly change it to have more time with her.

Thank goodness the whole thing was a trick! He finally came clean and showed me how it worked.... but how could I not have a tiny bit of belief after it answered over 20 questions with complete accuracy??? I was still shaking from the thought of it even an hour after he told me it was a crock. It really made me think about what is important.... and how I spend my time...

So now I know what my reaction would be.... what my first thought would be.... what I would feel.... what is the most important thing in the world to me..... It's a horrible feeling thinking you might only have 3 years left to live. I hope none of you ever have to experience that paralyzing and devastating moment. But now I ask myself throughout the day "what if it had been real... what would I be doing right now instead of what I am doing?"

Of course we can't live every day like it is our last... no one would ever go to work... I know I certainly wouldn't want to spend my last day alive working or doing laundry.... but I hope I never forget to stop and ask myself occasionally "what if I have only this much time left?.... what would I be doing differently?"

A Lil Enchanted,
~LaShan~